Only after I saved his life did I recognise the famous movie actor. Would have drowned without me. Bloke didn’t know how to thank me.  Bought me watches, cars, a live-in chef. Rings me every fucking day, weeping. Flies over for friggin’ hugs.

So,  I’ve taken a restraining order out.

The Arrangement

He didn’t realise it was a cult until they told him to strip, smear himself with butterscotch and sleep with two virgins. That’s when he became concerned and tried to leave. But they were dangerous and knew where he lived. So he stayed.

Besides, they were cutting his movie deals.

The Editor

I was brought up on Truffaut and Renoir but loved Spielberg equally. I learnt editing accidentally. I was being baby-sat by a French documentary editor who took me to work and taught me everything he knew. I love to cut. I’m editing my wife and kids out as we speak.